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Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Now What?

After finding out that day we were having a baby, we sat around the fire just talking about what our plans were next.  And my biggest worry was what would people think?  I wasn’t worried about how I was going to raise my baby, what important things I needed to do and all the things that come with a baby, I was thinking about other people.  That’s the problem with the world we live in (especially Utah)… Too many people point fingers, or judge before they even look at themselves.  I know I wasn’t living my life how I was raised to, and I know what I believed in, but why did I worry so much about what others were going to think. Through the rest of our camping trip Joey listened to all my worries, and he helped me feel strong.  He was always there listening through all of this.  I’m sure he had no idea what was up ahead, but he did everything he could to help me with the struggles we were about to embark on.  We definitely wanted to get married, and would have been already if it wasn’t for money, so the plan was to get married before I started showing so I could fit in the dress I wanted to.  We wanted to tell people before we got married that we were pregnant.  I wanted people to know that we weren’t ashamed, and we had nothing to hide.  We were about to bring a perfect baby into the world, why would we hide or be ashamed of something so beautiful?  To be honest at first I didn’t want to tell anyone.  I wanted to just maybe tell our parents and that’s it.  And then let everyone else find out after we were married.  But we didn’t want people talking about us on our wedding day or after.  I didn’t want people whispering about how they think we got married just because of our baby. I wanted people to know… We were having a baby, and we were in love and WANTED to get married.  Yeah we did it a little backwards, and I’m sure people still talked… The lesson that I learned here was that people will think what they want. True, I wish that people could respect others, and not judge one another but in the world we live in, that will never happen.  So we have to live our lives as best we can, not worrying about others, and take the steps in life that we see is best for us.  Mistakes are made, however it’s up to you to learn and grow and see the bigger picture.  I was living my life how I probably never thought I would, and Heavenly Father blessed me with a baby to grow and see the path that really was laid out for me… We never tried hiding who we were or what we did.  We started our family, and I will never look back.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

So here I am finally starting my Blog! I think it’s been over a year since I have wanted to do one and never have. I started it about 8 times and was a retard and couldn’t figure out how to make it look cute. It still isn’t way cute and I’ll get there someday, but for now I wanted to share my story and journey since we found out we were pregnant up until now. Denver is already 3 months old, although I’ll never forget how I have felt through all of this, I want to right it down while the memory is still fresh in my heart. So a cute blog…. Oh well, here is the beginning of our story.
Am I?
It was the Friday morning of Labor Day weekend. Spontaneously me and Joey decided to go camping up in the Uintah’s. I worked late that night at the Confectionary (a small, VERY small bar in Plain City), and we decided we would just pack up and go when I got off. That’s how simple and easy it was. We were loving summer, taking every second we could to have fun, and we really had no problems or worries. I was living my life problem free, which was the problem… I never realized it until later though. I didn’t have anything to work for, I was basically going through the motions, and not really trying to better myself or life. Little did I know that Heavenly Father had a plan for me.
So off we went at 1:00 am in my little Jetta with all of our stuff jammed packed and our two dogs, it was seriously ridiculous how crowded it was in that car! We found an awesome place way off the road to camp. It was by no one up deep in the mountains and by the river. We only got the Jetta in half way, and packed the rest of our stuff in. It was a fun weekend just me and Joey and our crazy dogs. But it was on my mind since before we left… That lingering thought that anyone works through in their head. Am I pregnant? I had actually been thinking it for a while and I’m sure subconsciously I never took the test because I knew what the test would show. But that Sunday in the middle of the woods I couldn’t stand it anymore. Off we went to the store! I wasn’t about to take the test in a Wal-Mart in Wyoming haha so even better I did it while camping! Trust me, I had such a different idea on how it would go when I would find out I was pregnant for the first time. I would have been married, well established, on my way through school, a good job etc. And I had all these fun ways of telling my husband someday that I we were having a baby. But instead there I was in the mountains, behind a tree peeing on that stick and hoping some stupid bug wouldn’t bite my butt at the same time and the two dogs starring at me. Haha how romantic right? But this memory couldn’t be any other way. This was my life, unplanned, crazy, different and spontaneous. So sitting on a log, in probably one of thee most beautiful places, that little plus sign appeared darker and darker. I didn’t cry or anything. I was in shock. I had been thinking ‘what if’ for so long and now that my what if was real, I didn’t know how to feel. But when I went in the tent and showed Joey, it changed. We just both started laughing and his smile was the biggest I had ever seen it (and we all know how big his smile is already). Laying there, laughing in the tent I had no idea what heartache and joy I was about go through, what lessons I was about to learn, and I had no idea how much I was going to love the little spirit that was growing inside me.